With summer upon us, I know that many of you are looking for ways to shed a few pounds in order to look good in your summer wardrobes- e.g. swimsuits. Both of my kids are incredibly lean, so I watched them carefully over the past few weeks to see if I could identify their methods for maintaining their rock hard physiques.
The following list was generated from those weeks of research and observation. I would encourage all of you to give these techniques a try and see if you can meet with the same level of success.
The work out is a bit unconventional, but should be pretty recognizable to those of you with children.
-State the following for 300 sets of 15 repetitions: “I’m so booooooored”
-For those with an intermediate to high fitness level, combine statement with a sigh/shoulder slump rotation after each rep.
-Flexibility is key, so feel free to throw in additional warm-up sets whenever you have a spare moment.
-Guaranteed to increase the heart rate of anyone within earshot.
“The Spoiler” (muscle group engaged: Back)
-Open and close refrigerator door at a rapid pace for 10 sets of 10 repetitions.
-Leave the refrigerator door open at the conclusion of each set.
-Take a quick lap, locate and annoy a sibling, watch 6-minutes of mindless television and then return to starting position.
-Magically, when you return the refrigerator door will be closed and ready for the start of your next set.
-Before beginning subsequent sets, ask the big, angry-looking guy next to the refrigerator for some cold water; hydration is key to muscle growth.
“The Tornado” (muscle group engaged: Cardio/ancillary muscles)
-This exercise must be conducted near a clothing source.
-As fast as you can, try on every article of clothing located in your dresser.
-After each total body clothing change, heave the items as far from you as humanly possible.
-The goal of this exercise is to completely cover all surrounding carpet and to spike your parent’s heart rate up to 680 BPM.
-Folding and putting away clothing items is an exercise designed for a more mature body type. Never attempt this exercise especially when you are in close proximity to an adult, namely the large, angry-looking guy you saw down in the kitchen.
“The Bounding Monkey” (muscle group engaged: Glutes/hamstrings)
-Jump, full force, on the nearest mattress (preferably located on the upper floors of your home) for 3-sets of 15-repetitions.
-At the conclusion of each set, launch yourself from the mattress and land squarely on the floor with both feet.
-Final rep should be forceful enough to disengage plaster from 1st floor ceilings.
-Successful completion of each set is signaled by the statement “(insert name), stop jumping on the bed. You’re going to come through my ceiling!”
“The Hammer Toss” (muscle group engaged: Deltoids)
-Procure (1) brand new claw hammer from your fathers sacred work bench that you have been told to never touch.
-Utilizing stealth, move in the most expeditious manner to your home’s backyard.
-With all of your might, chuck the hammer as far as it will go.
-Exercise is normally only good for one repetition per week.
-To recover hammer for future workouts, follow your father while he mows the lawn until you hear a loud clanging noise. The abrupt seizing of the mower’s engine signals successful hammer recovery. When father’s head faces back to the front and fire stops spewing from his mouth, offer to put the hammer where it belongs. He will be exceptionally appreciative.
“The Insomnia-ator” (muscle group engaged: Abdominals)
-Exercise is only effective when conducted after 8:00 pm.
-To begin exercise, climb into bed and lie in the prone position.
-On the command “Good Night guys” commence repetitions.
-Every 15-seconds, sit up in bed and loudly voice one of the following statements:
“Mom, I need a drink”
“Dad, who built the pyramids?”
“Mom, does the color yellow taste like sunshine?”
“Dad, (insert siblings name) keeps touching me”
“Dad/Mom why do you look angry?” Immediately followed by “I just wanted one more hug”
-Exercise duration: 1.5 to 2 hrs. or until parents visibly demonstrate a “Berserker” level rage.
“Tug & Snatch” (muscle group engaged- Biceps and forearms)
-Training partner required.
-From what I have observed, in order for this exercise to be effective it must be continuously executed from sunrise to sunset.
-To begin exercise, identify training partner (normally younger sibling) and wait for that sibling to place an item in his/her hand (nature of item is insignificant).
-Run towards the sibling and seize a piece of the object and with both arms, pulling the object vigorously toward your upper torso while sounding off with an authoritative “Mine”.
-The training partner (sibling) will enthusiastically return the item to its original starting position without prompting.
-This exercise will continue until one of the following occurs:
-Adult intervenes and claims the exercise item.
-Training partner finds a new object of greater value.
-Someone gets injured and requires medical attention.
Dancing, cartwheels, summersalts, and vibrating in place due to untapped reserves of energy are also part of the regimen but I am unable to articulate these activities into an easily understood format. Observe your own kids for a while to gain a better understanding.