I got Tagged…

October 10, 2008

For some reason, Connie, my beautiful wife who is also an uber-talented local Annapolis baby and child photographer, felt compelled to tag me with a crazy chain email/blog thingy.  According to my wife, I am supposed to list 7 little known Shane factoids in a public forum or else I am going to suffer a horrible painful death.

Here’s the thing- not only is my wife asking (practically begging) me to embarrass our family name by revealing all of the strangeness that is Shane, she is telling me if I don’t I’m certainly going to die.  Holy shit, I better get typing, the way my luck’s been running an anvil could fall out of the sky any second.  So, in the interest of self preservation and pleasing my wife, here are seven little known Shane factoids:

1.  I have a titanium plate in my neck that looks like a shoe horn and is held in place by (4) large wood screws.  I would imagine that if one of those screws ever backs itself out of my spine my head would fall clean off.  I have a bowling ball bag in my closet in case that happens- I don’t want my gourd getting all scratched up on the way to the Doctor.

2.  I am afraid of nothing…except rats.  I am friggin’ terrified of those nasty vermin and it’s all my Dad’s fault.  I was 8 years old riding in the back of my father’s car when for no apparent reason he turned around, looked me square in the eyes and said, “You know, son, a rat can chew through a block of concrete if he wants to get at you”.

First off, I have never heard of a rat with a vendetta against human beings so no idea why a rat would be out to get me.  Secondly, what the hell, Dad?  Did you really think that bit of info was going to help me develop into a healthy well-adjusted adult?  I don’t think so. What were you thinking?  That’s like me telling Cayden, “You’re right, buddy, there is a good chance that the Boogeyman does live under your bed. I haven’t seen him, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t there. G’night buddy- sweet dreams”.

3. I can’t read a road map to save my friggin’ life.  If Connie had lived several hundred years ago she would have gotten old Chris Columbus to the new world in about a week using nothing but stars and her internal GPS. Not me.  I can live in the same town for 20 years and still have to ask for directions to get to the corner quick-mart.

4. I am practically deaf.  I blew out my ear drum shooting anti-tank rockets in 1990, so I can barely hear anything anyone says, especially when Connie and I get lost due to my piss-poor navigation skills, then my hearing really shits the bed. “I can’t hear a word your saying, honey, what’s that- take a left?”

5.  I love donuts- they are delicious, they are cheap, they play well with coffee (another fantabulous creation) and you’re encouraged to eat them first thing in the morning so your body can be shocked back into activity with a 3 zillion gram sugar rush.  The little known fact is I don’t eat them because if I did there’s no guarantee that I would be able to stop.

6.  My best friend in the whole wide world is Sonny Kirk, he’s 74 and absolutely the greatest human I have ever met, minus my immediate family of course.  The guy is an inspiration, never has a bad day, is always ready to lend a hand as well as share his well-stocked frig full of Budweiser.  He just had a quadruple bypass a few weeks ago.  I never worried cause Sonny is as tough as they come, but my eyeballs did sweat a bit when his wonderful wife called me after the surgery and told me that Sonny woke up before the doctors had planned and wanted to know if I was watering his plants regularly.

7.  I love Marines, not the ones with all the rank and prestige, but the young enlisted guys who get paid practically nothing, but willingly risk everything.  If you have had the priviledge to work alongside these young patriots, you’ll understand what I mean. If you haven’t had that honor, track one down and thank them for their service.

That’s it, folks, seven Shane factoids.  Don’t you feel like you know me so much better?  I’m off to pick up the boys from the bus.  Cayden’s been getting bullied by a 2nd grader and I’m going to go down there and attempt to look intimidating.

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Shelley posted the following on October 10, 2008 at 9:25 pm.

First, you are damn funny. Wait, I didn’t know you were deaf – let me say that louder: YOU ARE DAMN FUNNY! Better? So glad I found your blog – I knew you and Connie were a fun – got-it-goin’-on couple, but I didn’t know you could capture little slices of your life so accurately.

What can I say? I laughed, I cried, I snorted wine through my nose.
Excellent work.

Pammy posted the following on October 11, 2008 at 2:44 pm.

Hey the word I had to type this time was “foshizzle” who comes up with these spam prevention words?
Well I am glad I read these and had no clue about the plate in your neck. I will be studying photographs of you more closely than ever now.
Shane, all kidding aside, Thank YOU for your service.

admin posted the following on October 11, 2008 at 4:46 pm.

Shelly, drink the wine from a glass it works better than snorting it through your nose.

Glad you laughed, sorry you cried, and hope you didn’t shoot the wine straight from your nasal passages onto the carpet.

Say hello to the hubby, and get prepped for my retirement party (June time frame), we can all snort wine together. shane


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