Quick prelim of the holiday wish list…

November 11, 2008

After the guys got home from school today, I asked each of them to write down the top ten things they wanted Santa to produce this Christmas. I passed out a stack of holiday wish books that mysteriously found their way into my mailbox for inspiration as well as one catalog of odd shit you never knew existed (no kidding that was the name of the catalog). This was pure genius as far as I was concerned. The list making activity kept them quiet, forced them to practice their writing skills (Santa can’t read hieroglyphics) and, on top of that, gave Connie and I something to chuckle about later in the evening.

So here is what Mack and Cayden would like for Christmas (keep in mind this is draft 1 of 1,000)

Cayden would like fake cigarettes. We asked him why he wanted fake cigarettes, but he couldn’t articulate a reasonable response. Maybe it is so he can get himself some fake emphysema?

Cayden would also like a collectible edition Al Pacino “Scarface” lamp. Great lamp, it actually has a realistic assault rifle as it’s base with functioning grenade launcher and when you pull the chain it lights up and says “Say allo to ma leetle friend” (best Cuban accent I can muster). How appropriate for a 6-year old, why don’t I get him a Hugh Hefner smoking jacket and an official Michigan State beer bong to go with.

Cayden would also like a “RIGIPROPEFDKECIGERRTEFFEST”. Any clue what this is? Granted I should have expected some misspelling from a 6-year old but what the hell? I googled it and apparently Cayden wants a small village in Botswana, I don’t think Santa is going to pull through on that request.

Mack would like an entire series of items endorsed by the CIA. He wants a covert pen-sized recorder, spy sunglasses and a set of high powered binoculars. I am either molding the next James Bond or the next “creepy neighborhood pervert”. Personally, I don’t think any of these items could possibly lead to an academic scholarship so instead Mack will get a world globe, a Texas Instruments calculator and a microscope. I’ll just tell him that’s as close as Santa could get.

Mack is also asking for a hand buzzer and a flashlight that shocks the shit out of you when you turn it on. It appears that he plans on being the only spy in the agency that has the same sense of humor as the Three Stooges. I’m sure he’ll be popular.

Final item, both boys would like an item called the “Fart Machine”. I’ll throw this request to my sister who is actually responsible for teaching my boys how to fart. Thanks Stacey for personally tutoring my children on every crude activity in your repertoire. Cayden’s first complete sentence was “I can fart my ABC’s” (yes, I said fart), which of course is a perfect example of my sister’s influence on my children.

As you can probably tell, my boys tossed the Toys R Us catalog aside in favor of the “Odd shit you can purchase but never knew existed” catalog. I really can’t blame them. I personally purchased a baseball hat with built in mullet and a t-shirt that read, “Conserve the rain forest- wipe your ass with an owl“.  Maybe it’s me that gave them their warped sense of humor, who knew?

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Dennis Sullivan posted the following on November 11, 2008 at 10:44 pm.

Sean, (per Kathy)

I realized very quickly this blog was coming to a quick end by the content of subject matter: relating to bowels….somethings never change.Donna adds she has her own farting machine…..that would be me…maybe I should wrap myself up and visit for the holidays.We love you all D&D

Slick posted the following on November 12, 2008 at 4:54 pm.

Awwwww man…..my boys started asking for crap like that I considered it to be an honor.

I mean, I didn’t have to buy any more barbies or stuffed animals!!

Carol posted the following on November 12, 2008 at 8:51 pm.

oops!! sorry!! I must have had gonads on the brain, lol!!
Off to change it!

admin posted the following on November 12, 2008 at 9:10 pm.

Slick, I’m happy with the progression to fake cigarettes, not to long ago my oldest was asking for control top panty hoes, rubber gloves and sponges, can you make any sense out of that combination, at that point in my life I would have been happy with a barbie doll request.

Stacey posted the following on November 12, 2008 at 9:42 pm.

I did not teach them HOW to fart. I taught them to enjoy it! I can’t wait to play with the fart machine. Hey, do you think they make fart machines with realistic smells as well as sounds? I look into that.

admin posted the following on November 13, 2008 at 8:51 am.

Stacey you need help.

Dave Clark posted the following on November 14, 2008 at 1:20 am.

Shane –

Cool sight – good to hear that your alive and kickin man. Cool pics of your family too.

Now I’m not sure about the guy in the gas mask –

Talk at you soon

Dave Clark aka Cpl. Clark

admin posted the following on November 15, 2008 at 10:59 am.

Dave, Great to hear from you, talk about a voice from the past. You should look me up on facebook so we can get in touch, would love to hear about your post-MC life. shane


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