Not quite a Hallmark card…

January 2, 2009

I thought I would wrap up the holiday season by posting this year’s Groah Family Christmas card.  Every year we work extremely hard to come up with an original way to spread Christmas cheer, and this year was no different.

Inside Left-

Connie and I decided to go with a national emergency theme this year- how’s that for Holly Jolly?  We thought that reminding everyone that the economy is in the crapper would be a completely appropriate way of saying Merry Christmas.  We mailed them at the last minute too- we didn’t want to hinder holiday spending and thwart that whole economic stimulus thingy.  In fact, most of the cards arrived Christmas eve- just in time to remind people that they probably went beyond their means on power rangers and transformers- “Ho, Ho, Ho- You’re broke, Merry Christmas and a Happy high interest rate credit card payment!”  I’ve gotten several pieces of hate mail since. Where is your sense of humor, folks?

Inside Right-

Believe it or not, it was my idea to allow my boys to decorate me like a Christmas tree.  I got the idea from “Mooseltoe” by Margie Palatini– one of the guys’ favorite books.  In the book, a cartoon moose forgets to buy a Christmas tree and decides to take one for the team and decorate himself instead.  Bit of advice- just because a cartoon moose does something does not mean that an actual person should.  I stood in the corner for about two hours while Connie tried to coax the guys into participating.  When they finally did decide to join in, it was only because they wanted a free shot at the old man.  Case in point- Cayden worked like hell to hang an ornament from my nipple and Mack thought it would be funny to plug the tree topper into my buttocks, lucky I convinced him my butt’s a closed circuit and nothing was getting plugged into it.

Some other interesting tidbits- perspiration will short out a string of Christmas tree lights resulting in a quick little blast of electrical current followed by a puff of ozone.  I thought for sure I was going to burst into flames any minute which may explain the goofy look on my face- I call that my “making peace with my maker before I combust face”.  Another bit of advice- never tie your legs together with tinsel and plug yourself into a wall socket unless you have an enormous bladder. Like I said, I was standing in the corner for two hours just like you see me in the photo and about 45 minutes into it I had to relieve myself. Sadly, Mack had a meltdown right about the time I hit critical mass and Connie had run off to talk him off the proverbial ledge- that left me and Cayden.

D- “Hey Cay, can you unplug daddy so he can hop to the bathroom?”

C- “Hey Dad, what’s 347 minus 128?”

D- “Dude, Dad has got to go.  Will you unplug me or not?”

C- “Hey Dad, can I have some gum?”

I was getting nowhere with Cayden so I started hopping in the hope that I would break free of my extension cord leash and manage to not fall flat on my face.  I was back in place by the time Connie decompressed Mack and when they returned the above photo was snapped…thank God!

Although we were pleased with this picture, I still secretly think I look like the result of some unholy union between Frankenstein’s monster and TinkerBell- friggin’ creepy.


Back of card-

Isn’t this a sweet shot?  This is my lovely wife thanking me for being such a good sport- that made the electrical burns and the funky tinsel rash all worth it.  Oh BTW, if your interested in owning the tree topper hat, it makes a great conversation piece at the office. Who needs a Christmas-themed tie when you can be the tree?


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Jen posted the following on January 6, 2009 at 3:47 am.

Love the card, very creative. A few friends did similar themes, one did the whole economy part, the other dressed her husband up as the chiristmas tree. Makes me want to be a little more original next year, I guess I should start brainstorming now.

admin posted the following on January 6, 2009 at 6:18 am.

Thanks Jen. Every year it’s a battle to see if we can come up with something unique- I think this last card raised the bar for us a bit. BTW my wife and I said the same thing- better start planning now for next years card.

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