Oops, excuse me- or I’ll kick your head off!

March 1, 2009

Cayden’s at his funniest when he’s attempting to be serious- take this short dialog between Cayden and his mother as evidence.

Cayden:  “Mom, I have something to tell you- today in school I  farted and everybody laughed at me.”

Mom- “Oh, were you embarrassed?”

Cayden- (angry voice) “No, I was really mad!”

Mom- “Well, what do you think you should do next time to avoid that?”

Cayden- (still angry) “Next time I fart in class and they laugh I’M GONNA KICK ALL THEIR HEADS OFF!”

Mom- “That’s not really where I was going with this Cayden- maybe next time you can go to the bathroom if you feel like your going to pass gas.”

Cayden-(pause)  “Naw, I’ll just kick their heads off.”

Before any one’s panties get all bunched up over Cayden’s threat of violence it should be known that I’ve never seen him kick the head off of anything- he’s actually a pretty gentle guy.  Furthermore, even though I’m a Marine I do not condone nor do I encourage my boys to engage in random acts of violence.  So when he announced his preferred course of action I turned my head so that he wouldn’t see me snickering.  You have to admit the fact that he finds it easier to kick the heads off his classmates as opposed to leaving the room to toot is pretty damn funny- or maybe I’m warped.   

I’m still not sure why this struck such a chord with him.  This is the same guy who used to tell people that he could “Fart his A,B,C’s”.  I thought little boys enjoyed being gross- that whole frogs and snails and puppy dog tails thing.  I mean come on, Cayden once told his teacher that instead of taking the bus to school he flushed himself down the toilet and swam the sewer to get to homeroom- pretty damn clever and yes equally gross.  Now all of a sudden he gets embarrassed when he drops a bomb in front of his schoolmates.  I think my little guy is starting to grow up- much to soon if you ask me.

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Sherri Winstead posted the following on March 2, 2009 at 9:37 am.

That is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Craig posted the following on March 2, 2009 at 7:07 pm.

First off me antispam word was fartnar. That alone should be enough for a comment.

However I am writing to let you know of an experience I had in the fifth grade. We were doing math. I’ll never forget. I remember leaning forward to see the top of my book or the ant on my desk or something. The next thing I know is I uncontrollably rip a blast of ass gas. The worst part being the fifth grade plastic chairs with the breathing holes in the back acted as a sounding board and I reverb-ed that fart like nobodys business. To this day I have not produced such a vibrant, electric fart noise in my 38 years on Earth. And yes everybody laughed. And yes I was mad. More mad\embarrassed than fighting mad. I cant exactly recall but I bet I would have wanted to kick off some heads.

The other embarrassment of that fifth grade year was going to the bathroom and my teacher asked me to tie the rope belt (it was mostly an internal rope belting device where only the ends hung out of the front on either side of the button) of my fancy-dan bell bottoms and as I cinched the rope belt up in the doorway of the classroom before leaving to go pee I pulled too hard and the button couldnt hold against the raw power of a fifth grader and not only did the button pop the pants spontaneously unzipped. Nothing like standing in tighty whities in front of your entire classroom especially when you pulled a special version of self pantsing. Yes I pantsed myself, and tragicall it was a full frontal pantsing.

I think I peaked that year.

shane posted the following on March 2, 2009 at 9:07 pm.

Craig, I really admire your courage for sharing that story with all ten of my readers- my guess is you’ve been waiting for the proper forum to do so- glad you chose mine.

To be honest that shit is just flat out funny- I should have you guest post on my blog. Do you have any more stories involving indecent exposure that you would like to share? shane


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