Dear Electric Company…

March 2, 2009

Good afternoon helpful Baltimore Gas and Electric customer service representative,

I hope you enjoyed the first big snow storm of the season as much as we did.  I would be remiss if I didn’t drop a quick note of thanks for helping us really understand just how miserable the cave people must have been when that nasty “ice-age” thing hit them.  I wonder what would have happened if their electric company- which probably consisted of a couple of dudes with some flint and kindling- failed to produce just as the storm really got kicking?  I bet that whole lack of heat and light thing would have really pissed them off as they attempted to entertain their hyper active cave-children without the aid of all the comforts they had come to rely on.  Of course, I can only guess how the whole scenario may have unfolded.  It’s not like I just spent the last 15 frigging hours trying to entertain my kids in a three thousand square foot colonial that felt as welcoming as a meat locker.

The thing that really warms my heart (which is the only piece of my body currently experiencing any warmth) is that I only have to spend about $600 a month to enjoy this thrill ride.  You folks should be charging way more, maybe even venture into some reality television-  I’ve seen “Man Versus  Wild” on the discovery channel it’s not too far of a reach.  In fact, I bet that punk would run and hide if he was faced with entertaining my two jokers for an afternoon without the aid of electronic stimuli.

But Connie and I did just fine.  Whenever we wanted to warm the boys up we simply sent them outside to stand in the drive way.  Let’s see what else did we do…hmmmm.  We played Yahtzee, Mack made a shotgun out of scraps of PVC pipe, Cayden played Nintendo DS (thanks Con for charging that thing), I bundled and unbundled the boys 17-times, we shoveled, we slid, we talked about how much it sucked to have no power.  To be honest, that whole bitching about not having power was how we spent the majority of our 15-hour caveman experience- all the other stuff took up about 45 minutes, do the math- a lot of bitching took place. 

Oh, and here is another thing that you may not be aware of- when you fail to provide me with the electricity that I spend gobs of money on every month, I can’t run water.  No big deal in terms of hydration-I have a 50-gallon drum of Carlo in my garage and if need be I’ll share with family and friends, but I can’t flush my toilets with Carlo.  That’s right we have a well, a pump and a water softener and all those devices run on the power you provide or (on occasion, like when we really need it) that you don’t provide.  The best part is that nothing gets my kids’ digestive juices flowing like the knowledge of knowing that the toilets can’t be flushed.  Within 20 minutes of the power going out, Mack had dropped a deuce in all three of the crappers in my house- we’re talking to the brim.  I had no idea the kid was capable of producing something so foul and in such great quantities.  The only thing that kept the smell from affixiating the rest of the family was that our home had dipped below freezing. 

So thank you for the experience- nothing brings a family closer than being brought to the brink of freezing to death in their own home.  I’ll cherish these 15 hours for the rest of my life and completely agree with you hiking up your rates last summer- for thrills like these I would willingly pay much more.

The best to you and yours.  A completely satisfied and content customer.

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Chris posted the following on March 2, 2009 at 9:51 pm.

Sooooo angry, but justified. My wife tells me that they had no issues just up the road. Come to think of it, I only average $450 a month for electricity, so it makes sense that they turn yours off first! Just remember, you didn’t have to make the Pentagon commute today.


Mary posted the following on March 3, 2009 at 3:00 am.

I suggest you include your recently posted resume with your letter.
Thanks for another laugh!

Lisa Kelly posted the following on March 3, 2009 at 7:43 am.

hehe, all of the activities you packed into 45 minutes sound fun, the rest of the time….ah not so much.

Susan posted the following on March 7, 2009 at 4:13 am.

Oh good grief, AM I EVER GLAD I DON’T LIVE IN MARYLAND ANYMORE!!!!! Although, I really did love Annapolis, but only when the electricity was working. I remember those days – and days – and days that we had no electric (thanks to BG&E) after a snowfall, or a small glitch on the side of the road. You’d think they could provide better service – or at least not charge you as if they were.

So, did you get your electric back? You do have a fireplace right? Please tell me you’ve got a fireplace in that colonial?

Over at “Raisin Toast”

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