Thanks for the input…

April 2, 2009

I would love to have had a daughter. I know this because we have tons of friends with little girls and I get to interact with them enough that I’m convinced having a little girl would have been awesome. They’re so much different than the quasi-man creatures that currently reside in our home. My perceptions may be skewed- but it appears that little girls prefer to be clean, love to snuggle and will most always chose Dad over Mom when pressed. How cool is that? “Daddy’s little girl” as opposed to “Momma’s boy”- I always wondered how those clichés originated?

So it’s established, I would love to have had a daughter, but that doesn’t mean I appreciate the pressure that I’ve been receiving from various people in my environment to have one now. I say various people in my environment because I can’t really call these people friends or even remote acquaintances. For the most part I‘ve never met these helpful people- they are in fact complete strangers. But when Connie opens the gates and allows the men folk to go foraging free of female supervision these complete strangers feel compelled to question the gender ratio of my family. For example, standing in line at the grocery store with the “man-beasts” and an elderly woman ask, “What cute little boys, do they have a sister at home?“. I reply “nope just the two boys“. She then pops off with, “Are you going to try for a little girl?“ What I would like to say is, “Absolutely, as soon as I get home me and the wife are gonna bang one out- and we’re not stopping until we‘re successful, even if it takes allllllll nightttt longgggggg!“ If she passes out due to the vulgarity of my innuendo serves her right- mind your business lady and quit having dirty thoughts about my wife and I making babies!

But sadly I only say this under my breath and out of earshot. In real life I simply smile and nod my gourd like a giant bobble-head. But even as I nod my head I wonder what makes people believe they have the right to suggest that I should run home and create another living being- that’s a bit personal isn‘t it? The same people wouldn’t tell me if I had a giant booger hanging off my face, but feel completely at ease with suggesting I commit to an investment with substantial financial, physical and mental ramifications. Having kids isn’t like buying a “Pet Rock“- having and raising children is some serious shit.

 

Unsolicited advice aside- it begs the question does a couple have the ability to “try” for a specific gender? I‘ve been led to believe that a couple can, so maybe we should examine this bit of folklore in a little more detail. The strangers providing the advice apparently believe that it’s possible, but yet they haven’t elected a spokesman to provide me with the details. So is it okay to seek clarification from the sandwich technician at Subway when she tells me how much more joyful my life could be with some additional gender variation in my family- or is it considered tacky to inquire into the specifics while waiting for your double stack turkey on wheat? How exactly does one “try” for a little girl anyway? Should I hang a pair of pink booties on the bed post, recite some ancient incantations, listen to “Back Street Boys before bed, polish a lawn gnome- am I getting warm? Maybe it’s more complex than just polishing a lawn gnome- maybe success is achieved through perfect timing. Should we try to conceive at the end of the month, pay days, during the Super Bowl half time show or possibly the 2nd Monday of the summer solstice- who friggin knows the answer? I’ve also heard rumor that it’s all about the position during conception- who is located where and doing what to whom. Personally, I think a guy started these rumors because none of the suggested positions or sexual acrobatics sound like something a woman would come up with.

To round out my ignorance, I don’t ever remember seeing anything in “What to Expect…” or any of the numerous other pieces of literature authored by child birthing/raising “experts” providing instructions. All the stuff I read generally said pick a boy name, pick a girl name and hope that whatever you end up with is healthy- good luck. Bottom line, I don’t think you can “Try” for a girl or a boy, you just “Try” to have a baby and if you‘re fortunate enough to blessed with one be thankful.

If I took the time to explain to these helpful folks that no formula exist for having a child of a specific gender it’s possible that they would agree with my logic- but they would probably tell me to try anyway. I’m prepared for that argument as well. I have a whole list of reasons why a third child isn’t in our future. One, I firmly believe that if we kept trying in hopes of one day having a baby girl we’d stack up little boys like cord wood. Second, once you’re out of the whole diaper phase you develop a really strong desire to never return. I don’t want to wipe another person’s butt, regardless of how small or cute, for as long as I live. Hell, I was so fed up after four straight years of diaper duty it took me six months to talk myself into wiping my own ass – I’m not going back. Sleep is another good reason- from my recollection infants sleep all day so they can stay up all night. You can acclimate to their nocturnal habits if you have too- the operative terms being “have too”. I’m all ready claiming two chimps on my taxes, another child is not a “have too” commodity at this point. I can go on and on about all the reasons why I’m not down with the idea and if I read them over and over again I might even be able to convince myself that in fact I truly don’t want to father a third child- but on the off chance it did happen I kind of like the name Allison.

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Daddy Files posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 8:10 am.

Nice, good post! Although I have to admit I set out from the start to impregnate my wife with a little boy and it worked. I’d like to credit the Jedi mind trick but I think I just got lucky.

Joe posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 8:36 am.

My anti-spam word phrase is poop stain. LOL. I have 3 girls myself and never once thought about needing a boy mostly because we had some difficulty getting pregnant in the first place. I say just be thankful they are healthy and happy. The rest is gravy.

DaddyKV posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 9:57 am.

This is great. Stranger advice is always funny. There were many times while my wife was pregnant that people would give her advice. One lady went so far as to tell her she should not be eating Taco Bell while she was pregnant. Her response: Wife: Where do you work? Lady: Office. Wife: So your not a doctor? Thanks …Ill take it from here.

Jason posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 10:19 am.

I have 2 boys as well and people were always asking if we were gonna try for a girl. That stuff never works. One of the guys my wife works with now has 6 boys because his wife wants a daughter. I think she’s getting the point now LOL.

Paul(mytwodaddies) posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 10:21 am.

LOL. Cute post. You make a great dad, girl or no girl!

Great golf swing in the picture?

MileHighDad posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 11:22 am.

We are keepers of the groovy poop stain!

Isabella posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 12:03 pm.

As is apparent by the old lady story, some people don’t think before they speak. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like that in the world.

I would offer you a witty retort the next time you’re faced with a comment like that, but I’m not that good. I’m usually the one that just ignores it.

“Hell, I was so fed up after four straight years of diaper duty it took me six months to talk myself into wiping my own ass – I’m not going back.” LMAO!

New-Dad-Blog posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 12:08 pm.

I hear you brother! When we got married everyone asked us “so when are you having kids?” Then we weren’t even out of the hospital and people were asking “so when is the next one?” Apparently, my procreation is entertainment for the rest of the world.

BellaDaddy posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 12:26 pm.

Awesome post! We recently decided not to add to our brood. We have one daughter and still, no matter the gender, LOTS of work…and of course…LOADS of fun and smiles!

Kudos!

btw, the word verification for this comment is “FOSHIZZLE” lol.

ciara posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 12:46 pm.

strangers always think they know everything :-/

trying for a certain sex is fine until you’re doing stuff that’s not natural to make sure you get that certain sex.

i think i’ve been lucky that i never really got ‘advice’ from strangers. maybe because i give off that ‘don’t ‘f’ with me’ vibe lol

the way i see it, is if it happens it happens. if not, it’s all o.k., too, right? 🙂

Jana Kunz posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 1:10 pm.

You sound like my husband. We have two boys also :o\

Lauren posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 2:17 pm.

Unsolicited advice rarely does anything but piss off the person receiving it.

When I was pregnant our second time around and we found out it was a girl, I actually had employees of my husband’s tell me they were disappointed and that we deserved a girl (our oldest is a girl – named Allison, none the less). I would smile and say that as long as she was healthy we didn’t care what the gender was. I think they ultimately ended up feeling bad about saying what they did – our second daughter was born with a cleft palate. She’s a tremendous joy though and has taught us quite a bit of patience.
We did finally get our boy though – and we weren’t even trying. I chalk it up to the whole “finding what you’re looking for once you stop looking.”

WeaselMomma posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 3:38 pm.

As a mother of 6 (5 girls and one boy((he was #2)) I can say that people commenting and giving unsolicited advice about your sex life is way more than annoying. I started looking at them and saying “Keep your thoughts out of my bedroom”. BTW, my verification word is ‘rockstar’, I feel special.

Otter posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 3:50 pm.

People are crazy. Strangers liked to ask my wife if she was breastfeeding.

admin posted the following on April 3, 2009 at 9:01 pm.

Paul, believe it or not that’s a fishing pole (LOL) but nice guess- I’m not very good att either activity


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