Battle Royale…

June 16, 2009

I’m making dinner- chicken teriyaki sandwiches, I make the best by the way.  The kids are in the basement cleaning up a metric ton of Lego’s.  Every two seconds one of them yells up from the depths off our basement to tell on the other.  Here is what it’s like to be the father figure in the Groah household.

Note: I’m upstairs but can hear everything that’s going on in the basement.

Mack- “Dad, Cayden’s not cleaning”

Dad- “Cayden clean up please”

Cayden- “I am cleaning up”

Mack- “No you’re not”

Cayden- “Yes I am!”

Mack- “Dad, Cayden is  threatening to throw a metal ball at my head”

Dad- “Cayden no throwing metal balls at your brother’s head”

Mack- “NOOOOOO!”

Cayden- “Giggle, snort”

Mack- “Dad, Cayden threw a metal ball in the direction of my head”

Dad- “Did he hit your head?”

Mack- “No, but it was really close”

Dad- “Cayden, didn’t I tell you, no throwing metal objects at your brother’s head!”

Cayden- “Dad I didn’t throw a metal ball”

Mack- “Cayden’s not cleaning”

Cayden- “Yes I am!”

Mack- “No you’re not!”

Cayden- “Dad, Mack hit me”

Mack- “SHUT UP!”

Cayden- “Dad, Mack told me to shut up”

Mack- “No I didn’t”

Dad- “Mack, my hearings not that bad I heard you tell him to shut up”

Mack- Cayden’s just trying to get me in trouble”

Cayden- “You suck Mack”

Dad- “CAYDEN, hold your tongue boy, who taught you to talk like that?”

Cayden- “Mom did, she has “Pirate whore lips”- she says all kinds of dirty words when you’re not around (I made that part up because I think that the term “Pirate Whore-lips” is funny)

Mack- “You suck Cayden”

Dad- “Dude. shut your pirate whore lips” (again I didn’t say  that but I do like the term)

Mack- “I am not your brother anymore Cayden”

Cayden- “Fine I don’t like you anyway”

Mack- “Dad, Cayden says he doesn’t like me anymore”

Dad- “Can’t understand why- where’s my Carlo Rossi?”

Cayden- “I’m a thrity-four year old midget and I like to drink beer!” (no shit he said this- it started today when he told the barber he was an angry midget and he hasn’t let go of the idea yet)

Mack- “Dad Cayden’s a midget again and he’s bossing me around”

Dad- “Cayden, knock it off you are not a 30-year old midget”

Cayden- “I am so a midget and don’t call me Cayden- my name is Larry Powershields”

Dad- “Welcome back Larry help Mack clean up the Lego’s”

I ended the whole thing by having them come up from the basement and making them  sit on the living room floor.  No yelling, no arguing, no real punishment- just sit on the floor and don’t say a word.  Within 5-minutes they were so bored they promised to get along for the rest of the evening if I would just let them get up.  Sitting still is like Chinese water torture to my guys- they would do any thing to escape the pain.

The truce lasted less than 5-minutes- long enough for me to fill my glass.  Ahhh, parenthood how sweet it is…

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Michelle posted the following on June 17, 2009 at 8:13 am.

Excellent post. Basement clean-up in my house is somewhat similar. Lots of tattling. Drives me nuts. I’ve resorted to letting them pick from pieces of paper with different items on them to clean up. Long live Larry Powershields!

Nicki posted the following on June 17, 2009 at 10:11 am.

I laughed so hard I cried at the midget comment by Cayden.

shane posted the following on June 17, 2009 at 7:59 pm.

No idea where Cayden got the midget fantasy from, but I think he’s been using his midget persona to purchase cigarettes and wine coolers for his lady friends. I think Connie and I are in trouble…

darev2005 posted the following on June 22, 2009 at 10:55 am.

Let your little guys know that they sound like future inmates. My “children” sound just like that but they use worse language. But I may abscond with the “pirate whore lips” comment. I like that one.

Jana Kunz posted the following on June 23, 2009 at 2:23 pm.

sound like my two boys :o\

mummum posted the following on June 24, 2009 at 2:54 pm.

now you know why we didn,t have a basement

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