That’s not where you came from…

August 25, 2009

Traveling to the party supply store to pick up a Pinata for Cayden’s birthday proved to be an informative adventure.  The boys and I were talking about how old they’re getting and how far they’ve come since birth when Mack, my nine year old “know-it-all”, decided to shed some light on the birthing process. 

According to Mack, babies enter the world via the anus- he actually said “butt-hole” but I run a family friendly blog and I’m trying to maintain some dignity here.  Having a fairly good understanding of human anatomy, his suggestion that babies follow the same migratory path as the common pile of excrement sent shudders down my spine- talk about cheapening the miracle of birth.  Obviously Mack has yet to undergo his first proctology exam- had he endured this pleasurable little experience he would have come to the conclusion that his theory is completely infeasible.

I’ve got to hand it to the little guy though he seemed pretty sure of himself- after all it’s the only orifice he knows of in that region.  I could have agreed with him and changed the topic to skateboarding (this ploy never fails) but instead I decided to take the mature, fatherly approach and set the record straight.  As an aside, I was praying that I wasn’t about to open Pandora’s Box- I had zero desire to explain sexual intercourse to my 6 and 9 year old sons while shopping for a “Darth Vader” inspired Pinata. 

Courageously disregarding potentially uncomfortable tertiary discussions I explained that a baby doesn’t come out of woman’s butt, babies actually come out of the woman’s vagina.  Immediately I got the question “what’s a vagina”- to which I replied “it’s what girls have in lieu of a penis”.  The conversation went down hill from there. 

Cayden practiced saying “Vagina” in multiple dialects, voices and volumes for the remainder of the ride.  Mack spent the remainder of the trip talking about how grossed out he was.  How ironic, 5-minutes beforehand he was fine with the idea that he popped out of some one’s butt?

BTW, Cayden put his new word to use immediately upon entering the party supply store by asking the sales associate where they kept their vagina’s.  I wish I could say this was the most awkward thing that’s happened to me since becoming a parent, but sadly it’s not.

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darev2005 posted the following on August 25, 2009 at 12:21 pm.

Once I stopped laughing I was gonna say you brought that one on yourself. Should have gone with the skateboarding option.

Jana Kunz posted the following on August 25, 2009 at 1:37 pm.

OMG! You made me laugh out loud, LOL. 🙂

admin posted the following on August 25, 2009 at 9:04 pm.

The trouble is I LOL’ed when Cayden started throwing around the “V” word in public- kind of hard to reprimand him when your doubled over in fits of laughter.

Teri and the cats of Furrydance posted the following on August 25, 2009 at 10:28 pm.

hahaha…I still remember my dad spanking my brothers when they started flinging round the word “Gonad”…times have changed and dad’s with them, thank goodness!

Heather posted the following on August 28, 2009 at 12:46 am.

Aren’t you going to be proud when Cayden asks his first grade teacher if she has a vagina?! :0 BTW…no more play dates with my kids till they get this new vocabulary out of their system!

Campeon posted the following on September 18, 2009 at 5:50 am.

LOL, I would of just about died if my son said that to a sales associate. I’ve had other embarrassing moments but that tops them all.

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