Father of the Year is not going to happen…

September 23, 2009

I’m sitting here waiting for the Parental Review Board to come and revoke my “Dad License”.  I’ve done something so heinous, so utterly contrary to modern parenting ideals that there is absolutely no way I should be allowed to maintain my current position and title.  Brace yourself.


There I said it out loud.  I’m ready to face my peers and deal with the heavy hand of parental judgement.

I know it seems out of character.  Normally, Connie and I jump at every opportunity to provide our kids a forum to excel, but this Fall- not so much.  This Fall is dedicated to crushing first and fourth grade academics- at least that’s how we’re going to rationalize our desire to not spend every available minute melting/freezing on the sidelines.  It’s not that I dislike watching my kids play sports.  I am a huge fan and a super proud Dad- I’m just worn out from all that goes into it.  Do the math.

Two practices during the work week X two kids- that’s four different events each lasting over an hour.  Now add in the weekend games and suddenly that benign little hobby has pretty much sucked up every available minute for the next 6-8 weeks.  Poof! disappeared faster than a box of Fruit Roll-Ups during a half time snack break.

Oh, and don’t try to make any other plans during the season either.  God help you if you decide to skip a game and your team doesn’t have enough players to compete.  It won’t matter if you’re house caught on fire because an alien space craft crashed into it- the other parents are still going to be pissed off.

Speaking of other parents- just throwing this out there.  The alien space craft crashing into my house scenario is more likely to unfold than your kid getting into the Majors or becoming the next Tiger Woods.  That being said lighten up fellow sports enthusiast- quit yelling at your kid to “dig deep”, he’s six.

Wow I sound really bitter- I must have more latent hostility than I thought.

That’s not the impression I want to leave you  with.   

We will no doubt sign our kids up for some sports activities in the near future.  I think the plan is to put Cayden in gymnastics.  This makes sense considering the last time he attempted any acrobatic feats he cartwheeled his ass straight to the ER.  Mack is slated to play basketball this winter- he’s currently growing out his fro so he can be listed on the team roster as a 7 foot power forward.  So our hiatus from sports is only temporary- we really aren’t all that selfish.

We’re just charging our batteries and giving the guys an opportunity to enjoy all that other stuff that childhood entails.  After all being a kid is more than just a list of activities that come with a sign up fee and a numbered jersey.

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Matt posted the following on September 23, 2009 at 9:39 pm.

Thanks for an outstanding post! We feel the same way. We have a lot of friends that need the alien spacecraft to crash into their house to wake them up!

darev posted the following on September 25, 2009 at 10:14 am.

I know how you feel. When the wife and I were doing foster care for awhile there we had seven kids and almost every single one of them was in some sort of sport or extra curricular activity or another. Talk about running your butt off! I’m much happier now that we are down to one child and she is pretty much a homebody. I can actually chisel out some time for myself now and then. Whew!

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