Pirate whore lips- OH NO!!

October 15, 2009

It’s late so I don’t have much time to blog but I thought I should at least make an attempt to capture last night’s surprising dialogue before my brain attempts to push it deep into the recesses of my psyche allowing me to recover what’s left of my meager parental moral compass.

Last night while making dinner Connie and I had the unfortunate opportunity to witness an unusual display of vulgarity from our oldest son.  Here are the facts. 

I was making dinner and Connie was filling me in on the exhilarating details of her day.  That part is pretty common, we often attempt to squeeze a few words in while our children levy their evening list of demands  On this particular evening we were enjoying a couple of extra moments, which we graciously accepted, because Mack and Cayden were busy arguing over the utility of some inconsequential kitchen utensil that neither them knew how to use (I think it was a Pampered Chef Garlic Press, but that’s probably not a  vital detail).  Anyway, Cayden began to whine that Mack was being “Bossy” to which Mack replied- “Cayden quit being such a…”

At this point I had a pretty good idea what word was about to pop out of Mack’s pie hole, but the rational part of me weighed-in and provided two pieces of undeniable logic.

1.  Mack is only nine years old and nine year olds throw out insults like “Dummy head”, “poop face” or “Cotton-headed-ninny-muggins”- they would most certainly not throw down the P-word.  After all the P-word is reserved for high school kids who play contact sports- not little boys who wear footie pajamas and share showers with their siblings.

2.  Even if Mack knew such a word he would never use it in front of his mother and father.  Even at nine he would undoubtedly understand that such casual use of profanity would result in swift but painful parental retribution.

But I was wrong.

Mack said- “Cayden quit being such a P@$$Y”

Connie and I were speechless.  Mack was unfazed.

I asked “Mack, what did you just call your brother?”

He looked me in the eye and said in a calm, collected tone “Oh I called him a P@$$Y”

Connie choked on her tongue. 

I quietly snickered,

Okay, I friggin laughed out loud- but I shouldn’t be judged, he caught me off guard with his nonchalant use of such a culturally unacceptable term for the female flower of life.

I asked Mack if he knew what the word meant but he just looked at me and shrugged.  He was clueless.  Even though Mack was able to use the word in the appropriate (yet undeniably immature and vulgar) context he had know idea of what the word was actually referencing.

By this point Connie had dislodged her tongue form her wind pipe and was able to explain to Mack that the word he used was slang for a woman’s Vagina.

Mack- “Gross!!!”

Cayden- “How do you spell Vagina?”

I’m still amused- I’ll probably go to hell…

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Heather posted the following on October 17, 2009 at 1:33 am.

And I thought it was bad when Corinne told Noah to shut his “pine-hole”. 🙂 BTW…our boys discussed the use of the word “shit” on the way to school last week. We sure are raising some fine, upstanding young men, aren’t we? 😉

admin posted the following on October 21, 2009 at 5:57 am.

Heather, why did you teach him the word “shit” that’s one of my personal favorites. I was planning on teaching him the proper application of the word and now you beat me too it…;)

Ann Valdez posted the following on October 21, 2009 at 6:41 am.

He didn’t learn that in my class!! Hope all is well! Love you all, Ann

Heather posted the following on October 22, 2009 at 12:49 am.

Early bird gets the worm, my friend!


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