Do you remember the “Recorder” from your early elementary school days? 

You know the quasi-musical instrument that resembles the flute but requires zero musical ability to operate.  It sort of sounds like a flute too, but since it requires zero musical ability it most often comes out sounding like an incoming artillery round.

If you have kids over the age of eight I’m certain you’ll know what I’m talking about.  It’s that thing you paid $11 for only to hide it under the couch two days after your kids brought it home because the three-notes they mastered caused the voices in your head to return.  Sound familiar?

I took care of Mack’s recorder long ago.  As soon as his class finished recorder season I made the beak (mouth piece) disappear and claimed ignorance as he spent the remainder of the school year searching for it.  I didn’t suffer a minute of guilt either- as far as I was concerned it was the recorder or my sanity- my sanity’s worth more than $11 so it was an easy decision.

Where was I?  Oh yeah, so I took the kids to the Dollar Tree yesterday because Grandma and Grandpa sent them $5 gift cards.  Wouldn’t you know it the Dollar Tree sells recorders. 

They cost a dollar. 

I argued with Cayden for twenty-minutes that he didn’t need five of them.  We compromised- he purchased one. 

Cayden played it all the way home. 

He knows one note. 

Furthermore, he blows with such intensity that he could extinguish the California wildfires with the shear volume of salvia shooting through the tone holes alone. 

Did you know that you can play “Mary had a Little Lamb” with a single note?  I didn’t either.  I also didn’t know that a seven-year old little boy could love the song so damn much that he would repeatedly play it for six consecutive hours.

The driver’s side headrest is sopping wet, my nerves are shot and I’m day dreaming about torching a certain discount store that sells cheap recorders.  On top of that I caught myself tapping along to Cayden’s one-note symphony- this is not good…