It’s Magic…

December 29, 2009



The surprise gift of the season was a $3 “Magic 8-Ball”.  When Connie brought a pair of them home I laughed openly.  No way were my boys going to be even remotely interested in this retro, Siegfried and Roy, quasi-mystical trinket.  Hell, if I would have known we were going to try to revive the 70’s this Christmas I would have purchased a bucket of “Sea Monkeys” and a herd of “Chia Pets”. 


But instead I opted for the good stuff.  Like an Airsoft gun that shoots 400 rubber pellets per minute and a wheeled plank of wood capable of propelling a 9-year old kid straight to the emergency room- that’s the kind of stuff little boys want for Christmas.  Leave the “Cabbage Patch Dolls”, “Slinkys” and “Furbys” in the past where they belong!  Boy’s want Christmas gifts capable of inflicting irrevocable harm- women know nothing of the wants and desires of men…


At least that’s what I thought.  This is the part where once again I eat a big honking pile of Crow. 


Mack isn’t stoked about his “Magic 8-Ball”.  He considers it an instrument of learning and best reserved for the classroom on exam day.  I’m not going to argue with him, the “Magic 8-Ball” may be slightly more precise than his current test taking strategies.


But Cayden, on the other hand, is enamored with it and considers the “Magic 8-Ball” is favorite Christmas gift.


He enjoys asking it insightful questions such as:

Does Dad’s butt smell worse than Mom’s? (magical reply “Yes, in due time”)

Can I punch Mack’s lips off? (magical reply “My sources say no”)

What is 2,000 + 8,000, 342? (magical reply “Looks good to me”)

Are flatulent cows responsible for melting the polar ice caps? (magical reply- “Give me back to the kid old man”)  Creepy- I haven’t touched it since.


Other replies which can be found on the icosahedron inside an 8-Ball include:

“Definitely not”


“You will have to wait”

“I have my doubts”

“Outlook so, so”

“Looks good to me”

“Who knows?”

“Looking good”

“We’re all doomed” (nice- nothing like a little seasonal panic to spice up the holidays)


I plan on writing Mattel and suggesting a couple of additional responses for the next generation of “Magic 8-Balls”.  I jotted a few them down:

“Clean your room or your head will fall off”

“Yes, if you brush your teeth this very minute”

“The refrigerator is not designed to cool the whole house, so close the damn door”

“Did you turn off the television when you walked out of the living room?”

“I wouldn’t do that your Father is standing behind you”

“Gold Fish crackers are no an appropriate substitute for a well rounded dinner”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, you’re going to get caught”


Maybe my suggestions aren’t ambiguous enough to feign supernatural insight- but you have to admit they’re a lot more practical…



Share and Enjoy:
  • Print
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Facebook
  • Yahoo! Buzz
  • Twitter
  • Google Bookmarks

Teri and the cats of Furrydance posted the following on December 30, 2009 at 2:05 am.

hahameow…and I haven’t had any carlo yet (eggnog, yes!)…I loved those retro toys, before they were retro
(now I just hear, move over whitehead…)

Leave a reply