Kung Fu and 7 other deadly words I know…

July 18, 2010

In case you’re unaware Mack just obtained his fourth degree black belt last week.  This may sound incredible (unbelievable) considering most folks don’t obtain such a prestigious level in the Martial Arts world until much later in life- but I assure you, Mack has a fourth degree black belt.

Here is how he did it:

Day 1- Grandma took Mack and Cayden to see “Karate Kid” (2010)- all great/dangerous ideas seem to stem from the film industry.

Day 2- Mack executes a “Google” search for inexpensive, yet authentic, karate belts and then purchases the highest ranking belt he can afford.

Day 2-5- (while the belt ships from the manufacturer) Mack performs karate/ professional wrestling type moves in our basement frequently using his younger sibling as a training aid.  His training was exhausting and extremely thorough- which it had to be considering he was not simply learning a form of martial arts but creating one that the world has never seen.

Day 6- The belt arrives, training immediately ceases and Mack is now a fourth degree black belt in “Mack-Fu”.

There you have it folks- Mack’s fool proof formula for becoming the next UFC Heavy Weight Champion.  What could possibly go wrong?  Probably nothing but possibly the following:

Mack is telling everyone he meets that he’s a black belt- which he genuinely believes because he HAS a “Black Belt”.  I fear that eventually he will have the inclination to explain his martial arts status to the play ground bully who will then pummel him mercilessly for making such an outrageous claim.  Though Mack-Fu is entertaining to watch I have doubts as to it’s effectiveness in an actual physical confrontation.

Point two, Mack is looking for investors to bank roll his own Do-Jo.  Considering Mack is bringing limited collateral to the bargaining table (unless of course you’re in the market for some extremely “Rare” silly bands) it is likely that Connie or I will have to co-sign the loan.  I’m sure our finances will eventually recover from the multiple law suits we’ll likely endure due to Mack being a complete and utter fraud- but who are we to stand in the way of his dreams?

Final point, If one can purchase a belt and become a Kung-Fu Master what else can one achieve with a $20.00 balance in their checking account?  For instance can I purchase a stethoscope and then start practicing medicine?  What would happen if I bought a red cape and stood in front of a speeding locomotive or asked my spouse to shoot me in the chest with a large caliber hand gun?  I think the lesson here is even if I can afford a kitchen apron I won’t transform into  Emeril Lagasse just because I wrapped  it around my torso. 

I tried to explain to Mack that it isn’t the uniform or accessories that give someone a special talent or skill- the skill or talent is the result of years of hard work and sacrifice.  I almost told him that “You aren’t a Kung-Fu master just because you dress like one”- but then I caught myself.

Who am I to tell him what he is or isn’t?  What he can or can’t be?  The fact is he probably is a Mack-Fu master and as long as I keep my cynical grown-up attitude to myself he’ll likely be a Mack-Fu master for the rest of his life.

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Heather Kilpatrick posted the following on July 22, 2010 at 12:55 am.

Awww! I didn’t see that last part coming…you’re such a softie!

Teri and the cats of Furrydance posted the following on July 23, 2010 at 10:14 am.

Kung Fu, Mack Fu…them’s dangerous fightin’ words…like Gonad (which I remember my brothers calling each other and getting a whappin’ from my dad)

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