5 minutes to Blog….March 13, 2013
Connie is in Italy I am alone with the boys. I do not have time to edit. I do not have time to re-read my dialog to see if I am appropriatley witty. I have had a half dozen glasses of wine, six Motrin and half a chicken pot pie (home made- kiss my ass Swanson; I took an hour and a half to do what you could have done in 3.5 minutes in an 1100 watt microwave and it tasted almost as good).
So far the adventure, or what the boys and I refer to as “Man-cation” or “Man-Camp”, has not resulted in any irreversible damage. However, there have been some memorable moments.
1. 33 minutes after Connie’s plane left the tarmac Mack broke his middle finger playing basketball. The 7 and 1/2 hours in the emergency room was well worth it. Mack now has a giant splint on his social finger which he loves to display to passing motorist. I’m pretty sure his road rage was a hereditary gift from his mother’s side of the family.
2. Cayden lost a priceless gem he found on the playground. According to him the rock was worth more than my life and if he found out that I pimped it on “On-Hard Core Pawn” he will feel compelled to gouge my eyes out with a claw hammer.
3. My nightly relaxation time was spent watching “Duck Dynasty”. What little bit of intelligence I once possessed has been sucked from my soul as easily a Dyson sucking a ”Ghost Turd” from a hardwood floor.
4. Carlo ate an entire roll of toilet paper? I guess that’s how dogs celebrate a “Man-Cation”. As far as I’m concerned this scenario is the perfect “self-licking ice cream cone”. The boy can now wipe his own ass when he shits on the neighbors lawn- little blue baggies be damned…
5. Cayden just announced that he’s starting a “Harlem Shake” movement in his 4th grade class. He is telling me this as I type. I am encouraging him to do so.
I am now going to break away from blogging to show him some Harlem Shake videos on YouTube- I really want to be the only Dad with a fourth grader suspended for starting a dance revolution in the halls of his school.
I love my life, I love my boys…